Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
