new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
