something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
