Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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