Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
