this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
