Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
