The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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