omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
