What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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