Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
