There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
