Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
