Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
