Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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