Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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