Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
