can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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