i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
