we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
