I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
