can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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