You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just shit out all my problems.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
