the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
