She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
