i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
