she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
