Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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