you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
