i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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