I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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