how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
