i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
