No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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