I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
