No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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