You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
