Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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