Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
