Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
