forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
