i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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