You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
