God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
