The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That's intense
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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