Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
