You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
