worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
