So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
