Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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