We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
