What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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